Tono: E
A
C
B
occasional Guardian Newspaper journal-oust.
E
Ab
I never ever ever mentioned your name,
A
B
or the review that you wrote, when I was new to this game.
C#m
C#m/C
But now the time has come,
C#m/B
C#m
I think I've dealt with my feelings at last.
F#m
I really wanna forgive ya Phil,
B
A
B
yeah I wanna put the past in the past-a
E
Ab
Oh and as this is such a big tour,
A
C
B
I thought I outta take the opportunity.
E
Ab
'Cause there's a pretty good chance somebody out there will know you,
A
B
Maybe they would pass on a message for me.
C#m
C#m/C
C#m/B
C#m
Just wanna say, Phil Daoust, occasional Guardian Newspaper journal-oust,
F#m
That it's been three years since you wrote it,
Abm
and time is very healing.
A
But I still wanna cut big chunks of flesh out of your stupid face
B
and make your children watch while I force you to eat them.
A
B
Yeah I wanna make your children watch you eat your own face-meat.
E
B
Ding Dang Ding Dang Dong,
C#m
Abm
This is my Phil Doust Song,
A
E
Everybody sing along,
A
La la la la la la la,
B
E
I hope one of your family' members dies.
B
Phil, Ding Dang Dong.
C#m
Abm
I've written you this special song,
A
E
to help you get the attention -
A
B
you obviously, desperately lack.
E
Ab
And I know that you're a smart man,
A
C
B
and with such a fine mind, I guess it has to be hard-
E
Ab
To resist throwing narcissistic, intellectual
A
B
tantrums in the supermarket isles of your self-regard.
C#m
C#m/C
C#m/B
C#m
Just wanna say, Phil Daoust, I know it must be really hard to be a journal-oust.
F#m
Abm
While a deadlines always looming, and the pressure to be entertaining.
A
B
A
So maybe you should quit and get a job that you'd be better at - like killing
yourself, you fucking cunt.
E
B
Ding Dang Ding Dang Dong,
C#
Abm
This is my Phil Doust Song,
A
E
Everybody sing along,
A
Tra la la la la la la,
B
E
I hope something you love catches on fire.
B
Phil, Ding Dang Dong.
C#m
Abm
I've written you this special song,
A
E
to show how far I've come along -
A
B
in my efforts to be more mature in the face of negative feedback.
You fucking poo-face.